Sunday, February 23, 2014

Lost Myself


    I feel that I am nothing in the US. Before I came here, I heard from many people that United States is a place where the money will drop from the sky without my doing anything. I also heard that people who lived here are rich and have better lives. Is it right? No! When I came to America, it was totally different from what I heard. People who live here work very hard to create their good lives. Because I am homesick, I have poor English skills, and I am confused about my future. I felt that I had lost myself in the United States.


     The first reason that I lost myself in America was my homesickness. When I received the visa from U.S. Embassy, I realized that I would lose everything in China. I needed to quit my job and I had to stop my undergraduate studies in Human Resources. After I completed these activities, I suddenly felt that I had no relationship with China, except the Chinese person that I am. I remembered that I was very excited to get together with my family in the United States. However, the excitement of this moment disappeared quickly without a trace. I started to doubt my decision to immigrate to the United States. I had lived in China for twenty-three years and I never thought that one day I would leave my own country for another one. Even though I was afraid of moving to another country, I bravely got on the plane. I think I have enough courage to face a new life even though I never thought that I would take such a challenge.





     Another reason that I felt lost in America was my poor English. The first time I arrived at O-Hare Airport, I found that the English I studied in China for seven years was useless. I couldn’t understand what the airport employee said though he had repeated it three times. I looked around to ask for help, but only foreigners’ faces came into my eyes. If I were in China, I could ask someone else for help in my own language. Tears formed in my eyes as the airport employee looked at me confusedly. My fortitude fell apart in the first day in United States. I tried my best to stop my tears again and again. Nobody could understand my feeling of hopelessness. At that moment, I preferred that the airport police take me back to China. Until now, it is still difficult with my poor English to communicate with the foreigners. I told myself all the time “take it easy, in time it will get better.” Now I study hard and work hard in United States. With this positive life attitude, I have begun to join the American society.


     Finally, I felt lost in America because I was confused about my future. In order to build up a better future in the US, my family suggested that I go back to school to study English. There are many opportunities to earn money in the United States as long as you could work in a restaurant for almost thirteen hours per day. That was the way for most Chinese immigrants here. I was as baffled about that what I should do next. If I go to work, my future would be like most Chinese immigrants – waiting on tables and delivering food to my entire life. If I continue studying, I could choose whatever I want to be. My beloved grandfather told me, “Don’t worry about the household expenditure. No matter how hard working, families will support you forever.” Now, I study at school. I also plan to go to university to study social work.








      As a new immigrant in the US, I felt overwhelmed. I felt lost because of my homesickness, poor English, and my confused future. I felt that I was nothing here because I lost everything when I left China. Fortunately, I have family who loves me unconditionally. In this new country, strangers have assisted me, my family has provided selfless dedication, and I have experienced my own inner growth. Wherever you are, you need to have a dream, but don’t lost yourself dreaming. From now on, I am slowly discovering who I am.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          


15 comments:

  1. Definitely it has not been easy for any of us to come to the U.S. to study, be alone and learn a new culture, but we are here doing it. We are already in the last level of ESL, so now our English is better that when we arrived, don’t you think so? Also, now we have new friends and as someone here says “Family is not a place, is where your family and friends are”. Your essay is very good and I’m sure the next one will be better if you keep working to improve yourself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Andres. Thanks for your comment. I will never give up to learn English. Also, I believe that I can do it as what you said. Even though it is not easy for me, I will try my best to do it well.

      Delete
  2. I totally agree with Andres. Keep working hard and hopefully you will get your goal and colorful future. What we heard in our country about U.S. is opposite of it. Struggle is two times more then only you can achieve your dream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, Nayab Bolbolan. Don't worry, now I am full of hope and confident in my future in the U.S. I will work hard to my dream. Let's do it.

      Delete
  3. Hi Ava. Your confusion of future speaked to me most.To be honest, I am really confused of my future as well. I have an big problem of English and I still afraid to communicate with foreigners. However, I do not want to give up my life. I think that my future should be decided by myself. So, let's fight together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes,we do have such confusing problems to the U.S. where we immigrated to. But we are young, we can learn it quickly. In addition, I believe in you. You are so intelligent that achieve your goal. We never give up, because our dream is not a dreaming.

      Delete
  4. Ava,
    I agree with the part about you lost your poor English. I had the same encounter at my frist time came to the U.S. I fear talk with the other people in English. Thus, we need to try hard to learn English.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Abby. We really need to learn English well, because we live here. Are you ready? Let's open our mouth to speak English loudly. From now on,don't be shy, just do it. Ok? Only English, no Chinese. Lol!!!!!!!!!!! Let's do it! English is a piece of cake.

      Delete
  5. Ava,
    I have the same problem as you, I felt lost in America!! I had no idea what should do and how to face my family problem.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi,Jia. Thank you for understanding my inside feeling. I know that start again is not easy. But we can do it. No one in the world feels smooth sailing. They face different problems in their lives. So if they can do it , do we. Whatever troubles you have , we always stay in your side. Jia, we all wish that you are happy everyday. Please don't give up. Everything will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  7. These are good points, I can understand it. I just like you, because I came to America to study, I had to meet Americans and tried to into their lives. In addition, because of the time differences, I didn’t have the exact time to talk with my friends who live in China.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Dejiang. I believe that everything will be fine. After we work hard here, we must find our advantages in Chicago. For example, we are good at our native language, chinese. Maybe we can be a translator or a social worker to help other chinese who don't know English. However, we need to learn the English well firstly. Come on!

      Delete
  8. AVA! You should believe the hope is coming for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah! Tomorrow is a new start. Be kind to yourself is the most important in the life. I will create my better life here.

      Delete
    2. Yeah! Tomorrow is a new start. Be kind to yourself is the most important in the life. I will create my better life here.

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.