Lost Spontaneity

Lost Spontaneity

What a great feeling it is to bump into a friend on the street, a friend that we have not seen for a long time or just a good friend. We just jump on each other, kiss, hug, or just give a good handshake for later a catch up, talk about something specific or just say hello with a great happiness. However, here in the United States, it is not the same, at least not for me. When I bump into a friend here, I have to think twice; is she or he from Asia? Or are they from Latin America? That answer would make the difference regarding the way we are going to spend time together, maybe more quite or maybe more warm. Because of this, I cannot be spontaneous with my friends in the United States because not all of them are used to this kind of affection.

            People from Asia often are very polite and friendly, or so far all of them I have met here have been like that. Many are shy, but like knowing about you, talking and helping you if necessary. Because of that, it is easy to hang out with them. But when we are talking about showing affective, it is another thing. Our cultures are different. For me, it is more than natural to strongly embrace a friend and give her a kiss on the cheek, just because she makes me smile or because we are close friends.  Actually, it is something that people expect in Venezuela. If we did not do it, it is like we would be strangers. If I did that to an Asian person, she might run away from me or maybe would yell at me because that would make her feel uncomfortable. Asians are generally more reserved to show their feelings, or that is what I have noticed so far. In all due respect, this kind of reserved lifestyle is foreign for me and had to get accustomed to all these emotional expressions

            However, the picture is different when I am with a person from Latin America. Even if we are two guys talking, we are going to say “hi” with a hug and a handshake. While we are talking we are going to move our hands and our bodies to express what are we saying. Pokes are also allowed. Definitely, we are also loud. I miss that connection. It is already difficult to express myself sometimes in English, and also I have to do it without some body language because it could be misunderstood. Venezuelan people can say a lot without saying a word. Just with a little movement of our mouth, pointing at something and some growl, Venezuelans are able to understand that maybe this person wants that I do something for him or he is telling me where something is that I asked him before. We need use our body language to add emphasis in our conversation; without that, it is like we are talking on the phone.

            My friends are as important in my life as my family. In fact, they are also my family. It because of that I miss them so much. We are very close, and one thing that I really enjoy about my culture is that when we have a new friend, it is not only one more friend that we have won; also won his friends. We connect our different groups each other, so our social network grows and grows. In The United States, people tend to have separate friends groups - work friends, school friends and college friends.

            Despite those differences, I haven’t had problems making good friends in Chicago. Now I have friends from the U.S., Asia, Saudi Arabia and Europe. Nevertheless, I always have to think about which group I am with and how to act. I cannot be spontaneous at the time to give them a hug, a poke or kiss. Therefore, what I have lost is my spontaneity when I am spending time with my friends in Chicago. What I’ve lost is the ability to just embrace and be affectionate with my friends without thinking.