Lost Spontaneity
What a great feeling it is to bump
into a friend on the street, a friend that we have not seen for a long time or
just a good friend. We just jump on each other, kiss, hug, or just give a good handshake
for later a catch up, talk about something specific or just say
hello with a great happiness. However, here in the United States, it is not the
same, at least not for me. When I bump into a friend here, I have to think twice;
is she or he from Asia? Or are they from Latin America? That answer would make
the difference regarding the way we are going to spend time together, maybe
more quite or maybe more warm. Because of this, I cannot be spontaneous with my
friends in the United States because not all of them are used to this kind of
affection.
People
from Asia often are very polite and friendly, or so far all of them I have met
here have been like that. Many are shy, but like knowing about you, talking and
helping you if necessary. Because of that, it is easy to hang out with
them. But when we are talking about showing affective, it is another
thing. Our cultures are different. For me, it is
more than natural to strongly embrace a friend and give her a kiss on the cheek,
just because she makes me smile or because we are close friends. Actually, it is something that people expect
in Venezuela. If we did not do it, it is like we would be strangers. If I did
that to an Asian person, she might run away from me or maybe would yell at me
because that would make her feel uncomfortable. Asians are generally more
reserved to show their feelings, or that is what I have noticed so far. In all
due respect, this kind of reserved lifestyle is foreign for me and had to get
accustomed to all these emotional expressions
However,
the picture is different when I am with a person from Latin America. Even if we
are two guys talking, we are going to say “hi” with a hug and a handshake.
While we are talking we are going to move our hands and our bodies to express
what are we saying. Pokes are also allowed. Definitely,
we are also loud. I miss that connection. It is already difficult to express
myself sometimes in English, and also I have to do it without some body
language because it could be misunderstood. Venezuelan people can say a lot
without saying a word. Just with a little movement of our mouth, pointing at
something and some growl, Venezuelans are able to understand that maybe this
person wants that I do something for him or he is telling me where something is
that I asked him before. We need use our body language to add emphasis in our
conversation; without that, it is like we are talking on the phone.
My
friends are as important in my life as my family. In fact, they are also my
family. It because of that I miss them so much. We are very close, and one
thing that I really enjoy about my culture is that when we have a new friend,
it is not only one more friend that we have won; also won his friends. We
connect our different groups each other, so our social network grows and grows.
In The United States, people tend to have separate friends groups - work
friends, school friends and college friends.
Despite
those differences, I haven’t had problems making good friends in Chicago. Now I
have friends from the U.S., Asia, Saudi Arabia and Europe. Nevertheless, I
always have to think about which group I am with and how to act. I cannot be
spontaneous at the time to give them a hug, a poke or kiss. Therefore, what I
have lost is my spontaneity when I am spending time with my friends in Chicago.
What I’ve lost is the ability to just embrace and be affectionate with my
friends without thinking.
I truly believe after family friends are the true relation that you can share with anything about your life. When i was ready your story i was missing my memories with my friends. finding friend is very difficult even though a meaningful friendship is very difficult here to find and also different culture have different style to met with people and friends.
ReplyDeleteHi Andres
ReplyDeleteIt was a really interesting essay. I completely agree with. I think the reason is that there are a lot of different cultures in the United States and all of them have their own way of greeting. I also have the same problem. I think you are going to get used to it after a while.
Yes, sometimes when I saw an Asian then I would think about where he/she from is. That is hard for us, because they look like Chinese, Koran, or Japanese. Sometimes I had to ask some helps when I got some problems, but I was afraid to talk. Then I lost my spontaneity.
ReplyDelete