Saturday, March 29, 2014

Son Preference



      Since ancient times, males have occupied an important position in Chinese history. In contrast, the position of females has been very low. They have always been considered second class citizens. Because the feudal society lasted for over two thousand years in China, the ideology of “son preference” was firmly entrenched in Chinese families, especially in some uncultured countryside regions. Unfortunately, my family was also influenced by the son preference. In fact, this tradition influenced my childhood and early education.


      One effect of this tradition was that I felt very unfamiliar to my parents when I was a little girl. Until the age of six, I lived with my grandparents, and I knew very little about my parents from my grandmother. She told me that my parents would like to give me a younger brother. The most important thing was that our family needed to have a boy to continue the family line. Now I understand the reason why my parents left me. In order to avoid the Family Planning rules, they had to go to a place where nobody knew them to secretly have a baby. Some people may think that it is crazy and stupid behavior to have a son and break the law, but this is reality in modern China. Actually, most Chinese families that would like to have a son all do crazy things like that. When I was six, my parents came back home with a baby boy, and the whole family was very happy even though they paid a lot of money to the government for breaking the Family Planning rules. The first time meeting my parents, I remembered I was very scared of them and hid behind the door. I did not even want to talk to them.

      The other effect of this tradition is on the family line. In China, only sons are allowed to  join in a family tree ceremony and have a celebrative party. There is a rule in Chinese family trees that only men can partake. Women can join in her future husband’s family tree if she gives a birth to a son. It means that women just have one chance to have a position in the family tree, but they need to have a son. Also, the family that has a baby boy would have a big party to celebrate the son’s coming with sweet potato soup and red eggs. At this moment, all the relatives and friends bring gifts and best wishes to him. In the ceremony, the son is dressed in red clothes will have his first hair cut by his grandfather. At the end, the mother will take the son to walk around the ancestral hall. As I am a daughter, I could not join in our family tree, nor do I have these celebrations and ceremonies to honor birthday.
 

       Despite the economic reforms and opening in China of the past twenty years, the ideology of son preference still influences each family. When many Chinese girls graduate from high school, they stop studying to work to support their family. Many families tell them girls do not need to study too much in the school. They thought that the responsibility of women in a family was just do housework and have a baby. I am so lucky that I could graduate from college in China, even though I am a daughter in my family. My parents have more a modern perspective, so I was able to go to college. Generally speaking, girls who are in the age of twenty-three, will marry some men that were chosen by their parents. However, my parents followed my wish to let me marry someone that I choose in the future. In my daily life, I am still responsible for doing housework and studying, yet my little brother only pays attention to his studies. When I am busy with the housework, I always wish I could be a son in my next life.

       Today, I am in the United States where I find many Chinese families still follow the ideology of son preference. I realize that it is not my parent’s mistake that they wanted to have a son. The two thousand year old ideology of son preference only changes little by little. However, thanks to my family, they supported me to finish my college even though I am a daughter, and now they realize that all Chinese girls should get fair treatment in a family. Both men and women serve important positions in the world, and all family need to recognize this.
                    


20 comments:

  1. Hi Ava,
    I am so sorry you are a girl. This is your destiny and there is nothing you can do unless you want to do a operation. I don't want you to do that because you are such a perfect girl. You can do what a boy could do. You are brave and smart. Now you are in America. And you will enjoy more equality of men and women.

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    1. Hi, Kyle. Thank you for your comment.Yeah, you are right. America is a liberal country that people can do whatever they want, evev though they are women. In fact, I enjoy my identity that I am a girl, because I always can do something that many boys can not do, and sometimes, I do something better than other boys. It shows that son preference is a wrong idea.

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  2. hey dear Ava
    i think mostly this problem is in Asian countries because they are not educated. i like both of your easy a lot. i salute you Ava that you re doing great in college.As people are getting educated, they are giving importance to both men and women.pray for you future life. :)

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    1. Hi, Nayab. Thank you for your encouragement. In old China, this problem was very terrible that it effected women's entire lives. But now, son perference is getting change. People realize that men and women are imoportance.

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  3. Dear Ava,
    We are so proud of that we are girls. I'm the only child in my family. In my parents' opinion, I am not only the daughter but also the son in my family. So, we have to stand up for ourselves.

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    1. Yeah. We have to work hard for our futures. I beliebe that we will have wonderful futures. Come on, my sweet heart.

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  4. Hi Ava,

    You wrote a nice essay. You are lucky to have more open-mind parents than the average in China. Life as a woman is not always easy but I am sure you are enjoying it, especially in the US. Your education here open your mind and your possibilities and will also help to make the things change in your country :)

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    1. Hi, Stephanie. Yes,I have a family who loves me very much. I appreciate that my family always stands by me when I am in trouble. Actually, son preference is getting change in China. I wish that girls are equality with boys one day in the near future.

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  5. Hi. Ava
    The preference of son is huge problem in China. After I read your essay, it remind me about one of my friend who was hurted by this convention. Because she is a girl, she could not get the same thing with her yonger brother. However, that just happened in China. Now, we both live in Ameica. The preference of son will not happen in here, and we should live the way we like.

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    1. Oh, I am sorry about that your friend's experience. Son preference effects many chinese girls that they are low between boys. Some of them lose their confidence so that they are contralled by the famiies. For example, their dreams, marriages and lives. We have to be the hosts in our lives even though we are girls. We never worse than anyone.

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  6. A lot of things that i didn't know it. I believe that woman can do everything that a man can do. Actually, women can do one thing that we cannot, have a baby. So, you should feel lucky!

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    1. Hi, Andres. If you want to know more about son preference, I am pleasure that to explain with my chinese English. Lol!!!!!!Maybe in the future men can have a baby with the high technology. I am looking forward to the coming day.

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  7. How stupid of the though in old Chinese society! I heard a lot of stories about son preference. Fortunately, I have a open-mind parents. They treat my brother and me as same.

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    1. Joph, we are the lucky girls in China. Thanks to our parents love us though we are girls in the famies. When they are old, we have to treat them as same as they love us, morever, we do love them much.

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  8. You essay is very touching. I wish this ideology will change soon among Chinese families. It is good that you are here, and you have the chance to do whatever you want, so enjoy it,

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  9. Hi, Hani. The lucky star always takes good care of me. That is why I am happy everyday. I will make effect here. Thank you!

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  10. Your experience is touching me a lot, because my second sister just like you. She has lived with my grandparents for 4 years, because my parents had to find somewhere that people didn't know them and gave birth to me.

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    1. Hi, Dejiang. I am sorry about your second sister's experence.Please let her know that her future is created by her hands. Girls' lives also are beautiful.

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  11. Hi, AVA. No matter you are boy or girl, everyone has chances to fight for their goals, and achieve the success in our lives

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    1. Yes. Thank you for your encouragement. I will make effects for my goal. Let's fighting.

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